My work with Somatic Experiencing taught me how to follow subtle movements in my body, track small impulses, and allow sensations to unfold without forcing anything. I was comfortable with that process in sessions both alone and with a facilitator, where movement arises naturally and I stay aware enough to follow it. You can read more about somatic experiencing here and here. As I worked with Spravato (esketamine), I noticed that the sensations arose quicker and more completely. For example, after one Spravato session, as I was walking, I felt my pelvis tighten and contract and a wave go up my torso. With it came tears and I felt frozen. My jaw which had been active in many of my completion responses began to tick and my mouth wanted to open, and as always a sound wanted to be released. It was a cry pulling from my belly. I managed to calm it to walk home, allowing a humm to come out, but in the days following these body sensations were active and came out when I sat and observed.
Esketamine (Spravato) allows somatic patterns to emerge because it temporarily reduces prefrontal cortex inhibition, the “braking system” that normally suppresses body-based trauma responses. Brain imaging studies show that ketamine down-regulates the prefrontal cortex and increases limbic and brainstem activity (Li et al., Science, 2010; Abdallah et al., Biological Psychiatry, 2017). When top-down control loosens, implicit procedural memories, the defensive movements, jaw openings, pushing, twisting, or waves stored in subcortical survival circuits become accessible. Trauma research shows these patterns live in the body’s motor system, not in conscious memory (van der Kolk, Trauma & Memory, 2014). Esketamine also creates a brief neuroplasticity window (Duman & Aghajanian, Neuron, 2012), making it easier for the nervous system to complete unfinished survival responses.
During one session, as I slipped into the familiar Spravato fog, I expected the usual dullness, the disconnect, the floating feeling that makes the world feel muted. My mind was far away, and I wasn’t trying to engage with anything internally. Then, without warning, my hands lifted and began massaging my torso and stomach. The movement wasn’t intentional or comforting, it was automatic and strangely precise. Even in dissociation, I could tell that I wasn’t initiating it. It felt like my body had switched on by itself, following some internal instruction I didn’t have access to. My body was attempting to soothe itself using massage, preparing for the deep pattern that was about to emerge.
A moment later, my legs straightened and my feet pushed outward into a steady, extended position. They didn’t flutter or shake, they simply pressed outward with a determination, as if bracing against something invisible. The movement held with a kind of commitment that didn’t match the disconnected state I was in. It wasn’t dramatic or emotional. It felt organized, structured, and purposeful in a way. I observed because it became clear that this was a survival pattern emerging while in the medicine.
There was no story attached, no images that hinted at meaning. I wasn’t able to fully feel internal sensations since I was under the effects of Spravato, but I allowed my body to move as it wanted using what I could feel. There was my feet pushing, a wave going up my torso, my abdomen contracting and expanding and then my head tilting back and my mouth opening into the same cry pulling from my belly I had experienced on my walk home. This pattern went on for a few sequences. but it was the first crack in a layer of my system that had been sealed off for a long time. For weeks after I worked on this pattern laying down after realizing this was a birth trauma, my feet pushing, abdomen contracting, sometimes pulling me up in a ball, then lowering me,wiggling, my head pushing, my head tilting back and the primal cry coming out. I allowed my body to repeat this sequence that had begun under Spravato as many times as it needed to come to a resolution.
With this sequence there were no memories attached, just a knowing that this was pre verbal. Trauma is stored as a loop in the nervous system, not an event. So, when SE increases interoception the body returns to the same point in the loop every time (the place where the pattern originally froze). So the pattern often repeats because the loop continues to unwind. The nervous system only releases a tiny layer at a time. It doesn’t fully trust to let go in one massive release. So, it does in safe increments. I usually spend about 15 minutes a day observing my body and allowing for movements. And each repetition is slightly different. Sometimes, there are more than one trauma pattern tied in together and one movement can lead into the next loop.
Although, Spravato is not needed to work with SE, I found it helpful to access these patterns quicker since it lowers inhibition. I was already three years into Somatic work. If you are thinking of working with SE it is advisable to have a facilitator to help guide you and your body. If you are thinking of working with Spravato it is only approved as a treatment for depression. Also, Spravato is not intended to be used for trauma processing, it is a side effect that occurred to me, because I had already developed strong interoceptive awareness and the ability to follow my body’s impulses in my training and personal work. The patterns were more accessible since I already had a foundation. The work is slow, but changes are easy to see as you are healing. Finding the right help to facilitate can be very beneficial.
You can always begin to have a relationship with your body, by starting a simple somatic tracking exercise:
Tracking Exercise:
Take two minutes (or more if you like) after writing and close your eyes. If you prefer them open just gaze at the floor. Notice with curiosity any sensations in your body. Pay attention to the sensations and how they move around or changes in them. Do not get attached to any stories, just notice. Accept what is happening right now. What do you notice? Are there any colors associated with the sensation? As you focus on one sensation is it still or moving? What is the quality? texture? What do you notice happening as you watch it? As you observe are there any images that come up? Thoughts? Can you observe those for a bit? After two minutes, send messages of safety to your body by saying, “I am safe”, you can add in placing a hand on any part that you feel needs it. Affirm to yourself, , “I am safe”, and notice what happens in your body. Write about it in a diary or record it if you like.
